Comforting Little Annie

I saw someone share this series of videos on BlueSky and I didn’t know it was going to resonate with me to the point that it would disarm me, especially the third video!

One thing that it made me realize was that I have a much neglected inner child. This little Annie has been through a lot, her pain and cries were often dismissed by a weird version of myself.

I think I learned with my therapist that I should try to heal my inner child. But what does that mean?

For me, it meant walking around trauma lane, with an open mind and without judgement.

You see, I grew up as a boy with undiagnosed autism. I was very sensitive, very shy, suffered a lot of bullying, negligence and physical abuse. Kids can be cruel, and adults can be careless.

When you’re a young child, you need adults. You cry out for attention. If your caretaker doesn’t give you enough attention, I don’t know, bad stuff happens to your brain chemistry or something. That is one kind of trauma as well.

Having a caretaker that is physically close, but emotionally distant can also be some kind of “trauma” in a way. And for me, it felt like I couldn’t trust anyone.

Also, having your fears and anxieties reassured is great, but it was something I rarely I felt from my parents. For example, I would often cry A LOT because of the rain and my parents would just freak out and it didn’t really feel like I was safe.

I wish I could go back in time. Go back in time to the little boy/girl that exist inside of me. Tell them that it’s okay. There’s a lot of amazing people in the world who have the same problems as I do. That, when I grow up, I would be so pretty. So daring. Tell them that it’s okay if I like cars, and that’s okay if I also like girly stuff.

I would be there for her, and never let her be alone, or feel lonely.

I would do anything for little Annie to be happy. She deserves it.