I might be bipolar...

I thought I was bipolar for a long long time. I never really had proper investigation until now. On one hand, it’s great to finally understand “what gives”. On the other hand, does that mean that I’m officially broken?

I was already feeling suicidal before, but now I have a good reason to die.

The thought of being mentally unstable scares me.

I’m a difficult person. I honestly doubt people really like me. Like “why”? Wouldn’t it be easier if you left me on my own? Nobody wants to be around a broken person.

It’s a hard-to-swallow-pill knowing that I can do unexpected shit. That one day I’ll feel great and on the top of the world, and with a hint of a spark I’ll feel like I should destroy things, that I should ruin things, that I should suffer and make myself die.

I feel awful today. Just awful.